Totally Unrelated: (Re)Discovering My Inner Girly Girl

Saucy San Francisco Scarf: Check!

I've been lusting after a scarf like this for months. The San Francisco Cool Kids sport them all year round. They wear them so nonchalantly, so...blase-ly and unconcerned-ly. Their knots are intricate and well-practiced. And, admittedly, these scarves are pretty much the perfect accessory for the unpredictable San Francisco weather. They're neither as thick or enveloping as a pashmina nor as skimpy as a Parisian neck-kerchief. They keep your temperature regulated and keep you looking très cool. (P.S. Spell-check wants to auto-correct "pashmina" to "pastrami." Which is kinda ok with me.)

My point here is that I've been wanting one of these saucy scarves for quite a while. But I have this little problem with...well...girly-ness. Somewhere between hanging out with the theater techies in high school and going to a very-feminist all-women college, I decided that being girly was the equivalent of being silly.

For a while there, I shaved my head (but not my armpits), wore sports bras instead of real bras (ok, I still do that sometimes), and collected dirty jokes like they were going out of style (with which to shock my more delicately constitutioned women companions and impress my more raunchy male companions, of course). I also firmly suppressed my very real desire for high heeled shoes, sparkly jewelry, and pink martinis.

At some point, I woke up and realized that this was not who I really was. Really, like most women, I'm somewhere in the middle. But after years of constantly shoving that Inner Girly Girl in the back closet, you might be surprised at how hard it is to let her out again. It surprised me. I find that I have to really work at it.

I stood there next to the display of saucy San Francisco scarves for a good ten minutes. My pal and fellow Kitchn writer Leela dutifully commented on each scarf I held up to my face, comparing color with skin tone, texture with softness, and generally coaching me into buying one.

It was a big moment for my Inner Girly Girl. Maybe next time I'll wear heels.

This Week at The Kitchn! Plus a side note on the difficulty of letting go

This was my last week with my regular schedule at The Kitchn before going down to fewer posts and it's making me feel a little weepy. It's all for good reasons, mostly to do with freeing up a little more of my time with this whole book thing happening. But, man, The Kitchn has been such a huge part of my daily life for so many years that taking even this small step away from it just feels...weird. It feels a little like losing my center of gravity. Or rather, like my center has just shifted a little to the side and now my balance is all wonky.

And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my ego is hurting a little. These posts are my babies. As genuinely happy as I am to see other writers on the site eagerly stepping in to take over the now-empty post slots, there's this twinge of anxiety that I'm letting my babies go. How do I know the other writers will treat them right? How can I be sure they're taken care of? It's astounding how emotionally attached I feel toward them.

But I have to laugh at myself. The other writers on The Kitchn are phenomenal. More than that, they're my friends and we work as a team. My little Kitchn-post-babies will do wonderfully in their capable hands.

And this is really a very good thing for me. I'm usually of the mindset that I can do it all, all the time, and nope I don't need any help thanks! Then I am very surprised weeks or months later when I'm suddenly a stressed-out ball of quivering nerves who can't sleep at night. Go figure!

So yes, this transition is leaving me feeling off-balance and emotionally akimbo, but it's a good move in the long run. (Dear husband: You're welcome!) I really am looking forward to having more time and just plain ol' energy to work on the book as well as some other projects that have been on the back burner for far too long. Good times ahead. Eventually.

P.S. Check it out! An article I wrote on grilled calzones got picked up by the Chicago Tribune, and that's pretty cool: Bubbly, Hot and Delicious: Grilling Turns Calzones into Crispy, Flavorful Mouthfuls

And here's what I've been up to on The Kitchn:

• These hamburger buns made my whole apartment smell like a freakin' bakery. And they tasted pretty awesome too.
• Love garlic? Forget mincing and try thinly slicing it instead.
• Dear Ground Sumac from Penzeys: I'm sorry.
• Hard to top a classic Vlasic pickle. Unless it's homemade.
• Corn + Tomatoes = BFFs

• My favorite new tea.
• Fruit juicers are frustratingly expensive.
• Vegetable oil is one slick customer.
• Can't wait to try these macaroon tartelette crusts.
• I use basic pizza dough for...mmm...80% of the things I bake?!

• One of the tastiest beers I've tasted in a long time.
• Chinese longbeans are my newest farmers market find.
• I'm totally trying this the next time I forget to salt my pasta water.
• No surprise: I'm very particular about my BLTs. You?

What have you been up to?

This Week at The Kitchn!

Yes, eventually I will get into a good rhythm of posting things other than my Kitchn round-ups. Like about how I hover over my fermentation buckets like a mother hen. Like the confession a friend recently made to me regarding summer squash. Like more deep thoughts relating to writing, brewing, and my neuroses.

But because I've been swamped trying to juggle all those things and find my balance, for now it's just a Kitchn round-up. Forgive me? What about if I make you Spicy Jalapeno-Lime Hummus and homemade pita?

• Spicy Jalapeno-Lime Hummus. Try it. You'll never look at hummus the same way again.
• I thought my rust-splotched stainless steel table was ruined. The internets to the rescue!
• Here's what all the fuss is about.
• Bowls made from chocolate! Could it get any better?
• I don't eat fish nearly often enough. No reason why, I just...forget about it? Maybe not anymore.

• What meals have you been making this summer? Some new friends recently made us this awesome steak and zucchini salad.
• I can think of exactly four fruit-flavored beers that I think are actually tasty. The rest, fuggedaboudit.
• Pork, beef, goat, or chicken: I'll take pulled meat any way it comes.
• Balsamic vinegar is my secret ingredient in gazpacho and tomato sauces.
• New favorite artist with a new favorite poster of favorite snacks of favorite authors.

• Tweezers? In the kitchen? Wha-huh?
• All about the Great Pepper Conspiracy.
• I used to really dislike peanut butter. But I think that's because I didn't realize there was a peanutty world beyond Skippy. There is!
• Cacio e pepe. Super easy and crazy delicious.

And what have you been up to this week?

This (Past Two) Week(s) at The Kitchn!

Some summer travels and general life business meant that I didn't get around to posting my usual round-up of Kitchn posts these past few weeks. And since this something I do primarily for the benefit of my mother (the definitive one-stop-shopper), I'd better get a re-cap up ASAP before the irate and/or concerned phone calls start coming in.

• All I can say about this carrot cake is...YES.
• An ice cream sandwich for every day of the week...and double on the weekend.
• A pie crust for the pie-challenged; a.k.a. yours truly.
• How do you pass the time when doing repetitive kitchen tasks? Like, just as a totally random example, pitting eight pounds of sour cherries?
• Awesome tip from David Tanis on freezing tomatoes to remove their pesky skin. 
• Ever roasted your own coffee beans? I'm super curious to try it myself.
• Okra! I loves it!
• Finally got my hands on a bottle of Pliny the Elder IPA from Russian River Brewing Company. Totally worth the wait.

• Some great ideas for calzone fillings from readers in this post.
• After hearing about it on a Splendid Table show, I've got to get my hands on some myrtle.
• I can never remember whether cake needs to be refrigerated or not. Which is why I asked an expert.
• Get your gazpacho on with this crazy Spanish dish.
• Not sure where I'd be without a few packages of frozen ravioli in the freezer. (Answer: probably hungry.)
• Confession: I only use two burners on my stove. This either makes me very efficient...or rather silly.
• Bring on the melon brigade!

• We had this salmon at my uncle-in-law's birthday party and it was divine. Make it soon. Promise me.
• How's about a super big salad bowl for eating a super big salad?
• Piquillo peppers: possibly the most perfect vehicle for goat cheese, ever.
• I still can't believe I have an actual, for reals, honest-to-goodness fig tree growing outside my window.
• Louisiana BBQ shrimp is not actually BBQ...but who really cares?
• Do you make your own ice cream?
• Porcini powder is magic fairy dust for food. 

• Best. Cherry pitter. Ever.
• I really need to get over my fear of deep frying at home. These french fry tips may help.
• Great tip (from my mother, no less!) on using scape seeds in salads.
• My predictions for the next Big Great Food Trends.
• Ain't no party like a beer-tasting party.

And what have you been up to these past few weeks?

Against the Grain

Cloud bank rolling inland - I-280 N to San Francisco

Let's talk habits. Wait, no. That's not quite strong enough for what I'm getting at. Let's talk about those ingrained behaviors, beliefs, and instincts that reside somewhere near the very core of our being. We don't even notice them half the time. Or at least we don't notice them right up until the moment when something steps into our comfort zone and asks us to do something that feels distinctly, excruciatingly, against the grain.

Case in point: I am a very frugal person. Often to extremes. I mean, is it really necessary to debate the pros and cons of an $8 book on Amazon for three weeks before deciding, ultimately, not to buy it? I'll spend money when it's needed or justified, but...it sometimes takes me a while to get to that point (see previous sentence). 

And now I'm writing this cookbook that requires, you know, that I cook. With ingredients. Using equipment. And with other books to use as reference. All of which need to be purchased. I don't have the luxury of debating the merits of a particular cooking pot for three weeks because I need it now. And I can't waffle about buying those sour cherries because they're only in season for another week. 

Even worse is when I realize that I don't actually have the option of not buying the cherries. Even if my internal barometer is telling me they're too expensive, I know I have to buy them because this book that I'm working on really needs a recipe or two with sour cherries. You'd think that would be justification enough to satisfy this Inner Scrimper and Saver, but alas, it is not. Even as I was signing the credit card receipt for eight pounds of sour cherries, my shoulders were hunched and my stomach was knotted. What if I mess up the recipe? What if all these cherries end up being wasted? Do I really need this many pounds? Do I need more? Am I wasting money?

It just goes against the grain, pure and simple. I've gotten so used to pinching pennies over the years that it's hard to open my fist and relax. To trust myself that I'm not making a mistake. That I'm looking for the best deals and making sure I buy what I need and saving my receipts for tax season. I'm not being frivolous. I'm not being irresponsible. These are things I have to repeat to myself again and again. And once more for good measure.

Also yes, I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to have batches of wine that turn to vinegar or a super awesome idea for a beer that ends up totally bombing. In one sense, those mistakes will feel like money wasted; but in another sense, it's all part of the process. 

But my need for perfection and fear of failure are really a subject for another post. And another day's lesson in patience. Now how's about some cherries?

Eight pounds of sour cherries. Word.